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Funky Beat Flaming

Bag-O-Crap

$1 + s&h

"In childhood, nothing is more cool than pulling a very clever prank. The child who places the flaming bag of dog poop on somebody's welcome mat, so that an adult will stamp it out, is quickly elevated to a mythical status in the neighborhood. Who would have thought that such activities provide the seeds for meaningful adult action? Now you can order you very own Flaming Bag-O-Crap from Funky Beat. But, this time don't stamp it out when it arrives on your doorstep.

 

Funky Beat Definitions:

 

crap (bad)

noun - informal or offensive

something which is worthless, useless, nonsense or of bad quality:

            I can’t believe I paid $5 for this crap.

crap (good)

noun - formal or desirable

something which is worthwhile, useful, sensible or of good quality:

            I can’t believe I got all of this crap for only $5.

crap (load)

adj - pile

a good size pile of bags of crap:

           Let's ship this load of crap out of here!

bag

noun - container

bag or box used to ship crap.

            How did they get that much crap into this bag?

FBFBOC

acronym - initialism

abbreviation for "Funky Beat Flaming Bag-O-Crap".

            I can't wait until my FBFBOC arrives on my door step!

 


 “I know what you’re thinking. Will they send me good crap will they send me bad crap? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, We've kinda lost track of what is in the bags. But being that this Funky Beat, the most powerful crap distributor in the world, and could blow your mind clean away, you’ve got to ask yourself just one question:

‘Do I feel lucky?’................. Well, do ya punk?”


What’s in the bag? Look thru the catalog. This may be some of the crap you could get. It may be this. It might be samples from distributors, crap left from the store next door when they moved out in the middle of the night, unclaimed stuff from the Lost and Found, or something an employee got for Christmas from her Uncle.

Here's how it works:

 

When we are up to our eyeballs in crap, we will start boxing the stuff up and when we get a load together we will ship it out to any one who is willing to take a chance. This will be a random occurrence (monthly, weekly, whenever) We will ship the crap out until it is all gone or until we get tired of messing with it. Sometimes you will get some really cool stuff. Sometimes you won't, but it will be worth at least what you pay for it, (maybe to someone).

 

If you are on our email list (Sign Up Here)

    and we feel like sending one out, you may get advance notice of an upcoming FBFBOC Event. Otherwise you will need to monitor the site continuously and get really lucky.

When you see the

located at the top of the page

I feel one coming on now.

We are about up to our neck in crap NOW!

It won't be long!

 

It's Here!

Watch for the

Order your FBFBOC quickly.

This will only stay on as long as we feel like.

Usually it will depend on the size of the load of crap that we have.

But we may just get bored and take it off.


Ordering Rules:

 

A. The FBFBOC is available to online customers only. No in store sales will be made.

 

B.  The FBFBOC will cost you $1.00 + Shipping and handling ($6.95) [International shipping charges will be charged for crap shipped out of the United States....this will only be the amount charged by the US Post Office]

 

C. When you order your FOFBOC you will receive one bag (box) of assorted crap.

 

D. Only one FBFBOC per customer for each Flaming Occurrence.


 

"Did you get lucky? ......Well, did ya punk?"

After receiving your flaming bag-o-crap you can:  Brag to your friends, complain to your mother. Don't know what it is? Maybe someone else got the same thing and they know what to do with it. Maybe you can trade with someone else. Maybe you could even sell it.


Terms

1.  You must not expect your crap to be especially nice. If we were unloading a lot of really cool stuff, we’d call it “Funky Beat Cool Bag-O-Stuff” but we don’t.

2.  You will not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours. If you’re dissatisfied with a purchase you freely chose to make even though it was plainly labeled “Crap.”.................Tough Crap.

3.  Before pressing the ADD TO CART button,  you should take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap and spend the rest of your life crying over over the good crap your friend got.

4.  If you don’t get the crap you want, want the crap you get.


Funky Beat  Crap Disclaimers:

 


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Copyright © 2007 Funky Beat.

All rights reserved.


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  If you are too lazy to come in shop @ funkybeat.com.  If you are super freakin' lazy you can soon shop @ funkybeat.mobi & Text 2 Buy!
 

Virginia Beach ~ Kempsville

5260 Fairfield Shopping Center

Virginia Beach, VA 23464

Chesapeake ~ Hickory

Mt. Pleasant Marketplace

1464 Mt. Pleasant Road #26

Chesapeake, VA 23322

Chesapeake ~ Western Branch

Chesapeake Center

4300 Portsmouth Blvd. #262

Chesapeake, VA 23321

 

Shop Hours: Mon thru Sat 10-9  &  Sunday 12-6        e-mail darat@funkybeat.com    Phone 757-546-9150


Copyright © 2007 Funky Beat. All rights reserved.
Revised: May 01, 2008 .